I’ m sorry I’ve neglected the blog for so long. Not much has happened recently for me to talk about.

I am getting my car back tomorrow from my mechanic, I bought a new motor and am excited to get it back.

I had my open house on the 21st of June. It was nice, I made a decent about of money and I’m satisfied with it.

I am looking to buy this Bach Strad trumpet from a gentleman from Indiana. He wants to meet halfway, and I’m just not sure I can see how it would be possible for me to get that far with my car, it’s not reliable enough. But I am excited to purchase the trumpet, I think I’m getting  a really good deal.

And now? I’m broke. But I’m working a lot of hours the next month. I still owe my college 3 thousand for tuition, not sure how I’m going to come up with that money. I think my parents are going to take out a loan that I’ll be paying back.

For the 4th of July I am going to Bay City with a few friends to see the fireworks. I’m excited.

I am still single, but looking. I have my eye on a few people, but I’m not sure why I persist on finding someone. I’m going two hours south in a month. I should just chill…but for some reason I’m not. Maybe I’m just lonely.

I’m being really lazy on this blog. Mostly because I dont have anything of any significance to speak on.

The two guys I mentioned before? Yeah, I wont be dating either of them. I’m learned a lot about Timmy, and we’re like fire and ice–it’d never work. And Eric started dating some other chick. Soo…that wont be happening any time soon.

But on the bright side, I did meet this pretty awesome guy, Jorge. We’re talking. So far, so good.

I’m just loving life, and living life. I’ve been going fishing with my brother a lot lately and my shoulders are paying the price (burnt to crisp), but it really has been a good time.

I went and saw Transformers 2, it’s my new favorite movie. I work at the movie theater so I see almost all of the new releases. This was the most amazing movie I’ve seen in a long time. The director did a good job in mixing together all sorts of genres so that it could please everyone. It had lots of action, romance, drama, and even comedy. Fantastic movie.

My old favorite movie (now in 2nd place) has always been Tommy Boy with Chris Farley. I went and actually bought that movie at FYE in the mall for $5. I was satisfied with my purchase. That movie is just one of those movies I know line for line, and what is coming up next. Gosh I love that movie…

I officially told my parents that I don’t believe. I didnt even mean to. I had posted a quote from the song “Imagine” by John Lennon on my facebook and a few of my christian friends threw a hissy fit. I was frustrated at how senstive people are. I mean, it’s merely a song…why become so offended?

Well, after them overreacting I went up stairs and talked to my dad about how sensitive people are and how frustrating it is. My mom was like “well, lennon didnt actually mean that there is no heaven or hell, did he?” I replied, “well, yes…I think he was saying that this is what he believes.” Then my mom became furious and went off about how inappropriate it is for me to say such a thing and I got what I deserved. She continued with saying very sarcastically replying “what have you become? are you like an idiot atheist now or something.” I denied being an atheist through and through, but did admit that I am agnostic by simply saying “I do not know.”

Man…did that make her mad! She went on about how much of a shame it would be if I were to die tonight in my sleep, or something bizzare were to happen. And how I would wind up going to hell for being so ignorant.

I’m sorry, but this really bothers me that my family is so closed minded. The minute you admit that there is a possibility of there being no god there is automatically this negative connotation of who you are as a person hanging over your head. My mom already thinks I’m a crappy person, now she probably regrets the fact that I was ever born. I just don’t know how to react in this situation. Should I pretend that I am something that I am not, or should I just continue living my life the way I have been?

I am perfectly content with the person I have become, I love myself. Not to sound narcistic, but I think it is a good thing to love who you are. I feel that ever since I’ve begun my train of “doubt” I have this huge weight off of my shoulder…all of that guilt and concept that I have to make myself into this person “god” wants me to be…I just feel so enlightened.

I think life without a godly worldview is so much easier. It is so much more fulfilling to me knowing that this really is the only time I have on this earth, and in eternity. Sure, it’s depressing…but it gives me a strong passion to be the best that I can be. I’m learning to seize the day.

Yeah, seize the day. That’s my new life motto. Carpe diem to all of you!

My car died today. Could anything else go wrong? I was having troubles with it before…it wouldn’t go past 2.5 rpms and then it died when I was driving down a side “highway” today. A friend’s dad help me towed the car (thank god). But now my motor is making really, really crappy sounds when it starts up. So it’s basically down to where either the oil pump isnt working and I need to replace the oil pump and everything will be fine (this is best case scenario) or I do that, waste the money and wind up having to buy a new motor anyways. Or…I could say screw it and buy a new car.

The problem? I do not have the money. I don’t know what to do at this point. I could probably save up the money over the next month or two, but until then…I dont know what I’m going to do. I’ll be leaving for college by then and will need to be spending money on housing stuff. Who knows…

All I can say is my life sucks fairly hardcore right now.

I finally realized why I have had absolutely nothing to write about lately. It’s because I’ve always wanted to focus on religion, and considering the fact that I haven’t been absorbing myself with anything to do with religion, at all lately so I’m clearly going to draw blank. Therfore, I have decided that I am going to start focusing on my daily life as I head into the “real world”.

Starting off? Relationships. I’ve been kinda talking to two different guys right now (no, I’m not a whore). I can’t decide what I really want it is becoming fairly annoying. One guy, I dont think we’re really right for each other, but he makes me happy. It’s strange.

This other guy, his name is Eric. We actually JUST started to talk. But you see, we grew up together and then he moved in 8th grade. We dated all throughout elementary and what not (I know, you probably don’t consider that dating..but I REALLY liked this kid, and still do). We just found each other and I guess he is back in Michigan for a little while. We’ve been hanging out  a bit lately and it’s been amazing having the opportunity to catch up. Time will only tell where we go. But I’m really excited to see where it goes from here.

I haven’t hung out with my best friend since I think the last day of school (May 22nd) and it’s really killing me. I’m somewhat of a needy person and if I don’t see you in like 20 days I’m gonna begin to wonder. We’re working things through, kind of. But it sucks.

Allow me to give you some background information so I can explain how I feel. You see Desiree (my best friend), Rachel, Tara, and I have all been really close since middle school. But you see, I’ve always felt as though I was the “optional” member. Like whenever they were going somewhere it always had to be Rachel, Tara, and Desiree but Hope (me) was always the “ehh, it’d be cool. But it’s not a neccesity.” This kinda hurts me. To know that. I’ve even told them how I feel, but of course (anyone with a heart would) they denied it.

With that said, Desiree and Rachel are moving in together for college. And they’ll be within 10 minutes from Tara. Me? I’ll be at least an hour away. I know people go their own ways when college hits, but wouldn’t that mean you’d want to hang out with the person you’re going to see the least the most before they leave? Well, that’s not how it has been at all! We haven’t hung out since school got out and it’s really frustrating me. Rachel, Tara, and Desiree have made plans to go to Cedar point (I was not invited) and they are going to go to Chicago as well (I was told I am not allowed to go). Isn’t that some horse crap? I understand making plans, but it’s not even the big plans that kills me the most. It’s the facebook statuses of them saying how they’re hanging out doing random crap…and I never receive a phone call, a text, nothing. It’s frustrating. And it’s really eating at my self esteem.

I’ve been keeping myself busy. I have a lot more friends, obviously, so I have been keeping myself busy with those guys too. But that doesn’t mean I don’t really, really miss her. When you go from seeing someone every single day, and always doing something after school to doing absolutely nothing together? It sucks. Hardcore.

And that’s my vent for the evening. I hope you enjoyed hearing me rant.