Posted by: Hope | March 3, 2010

Learning to Live

Tomorrow night I’m taking a plane to go to Italy. Part of me is really nervous and the other part is so excited I can’t believe it. I just spent the last hour or two packing (well, trying to anyways). As I packed, I had music running in the background and music makes me think. I began reminiscing and thinking about how fast things are seeming to go by now a days. I remember when I was a kid life seemed so slow. I actually remember being in first grade and counting the years until I graduated from high school. “11 years?! 200..10? No..2009, Holy cow!” Everything seemed so far away, I wanted to grow up so fast, but it seemed so slow.

Now that I am grown up, I want things to slow down. I want to relearn how to cherish moments, how to live in the moment, and stop worrying about what’s next. It’s unbelievable how hard that is for me to do. I’m 19 years old, in love, and hoping to get married in the next 3 years. Do you have any idea how insane that sounds to me? It shouldn’t, it’s pretty reasonable. But sometimes I wish I was living as a kid again. Living today for today, and not thinking about what’s going to happen in 3 years. Better yet, not caring what’s going to happen 3 years from now because I’m having so much “fun” with my present life. Why can’t I learn to love life like I used to?

I have a pretty good life. I’m at what most older people tell me is the “best days of my life.” But for some reason, I’m not seeing it. I’m going to school full-time, struggling day to day just like everyone else, and I’m having a hard time seeing the beauty in all of this. All I am is busy, consistently wishing my boyfriend was here, and well…kind of lonely. Maybe I’m looking at the future so much because it seems so much more enriching than this. Maybe I need to try and be happy with the situations I’m currently in, and live.

I don’t know. But tomorrow needs to come sooner. I am so excited to get to Italy and finally be with Jason. Hopefully I’ll update you guys when I get back on how the trip went.

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