Posted by: Hope | January 2, 2010

Thinking Too Much

Well, I’ve been home for quite some time now, and I’m definitely ready to head back to Adrian. I don’t know if I’m just sick of Flint, or sick of working. I love my friends and family here, but I want to continue with my new life. My new friends. My new world. I miss it, and it’s only been a few weeks.

I received my passport in the mail the other day. That has me super excited! Let’s see…in just 9 weeks from now I’ll be heading off to Italy to see where life takes me. I’m really excited to finally MEET Jason, and spend some quality time with him. I’m hoping for the best, but planning for the worst. Call me posimistic. A pessimistic optimist! I know that no matter what, we’re going to have a lot of fun. What I don’t know is what scares the living crap out of me. I sit here everyday wondering what could be next.

As New Years passes, I realize that this year may very well be one of the most interesting, informative ones in my life. Will I find true love? Will I do good in school? Will I move next year or the year after to some unknown place? Or will things not work out, and I stay at Adrian…seeking another lover? I hate wondering. I want to know. I want him. I want my life to get started. I need to just take a deep breath and stop rushing my life. I want to learn to enjoy what I have now, and worry about what’s next…later, when it actually comes up.

I think a reason I am so negative is because he is so…unsure…It drives me insane. I wish he was more positive, or maybe even more negative. That way I would actually know how to feel, or what to think. Somedays he seems pretty positive and friendly. Other days he seems extremely negative, maybe even concerned that things will never happen with us. Yet, he can never explain how he feels. Is it because he’s a man? Do men just not know how to express things like that? Or am I just trying too hard to rush things along? I don’t know. I only know what I want, where I want to be, and what I want to do. But I’m just driving myself insane waiting to get there.

Happy New Years.


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