I’ve found myself being a little bit lonely lately. I think it’s because my friends here and I are having a rough time. There’s just a lot of drama, and tension. It’s all coming down to respect. It is so frustrating to want to fix EVERYTHING; all the while knowing I cant. For some reason I feel depressed suddenly, and I think it’s just because I have so much on my mind.
My hair is falling out again, pretty bad. It’s so frustrating. Why cant it just stop? Will it ever go away? Why does it keep coming back? I wish I didn’t have to worry about it, but I do. I wish I didn’t care what people thought, but I do. It doesn’t help that I had a conversation the other day (without them knowing about my Alopecia) with one of them saying “chicks should NEVER be bald. There’s something seriously wrong with it. They’ll never be able to pull it off.” Part of me agreed, but the other offended part of me said “Well…yeah, but if they have a true reason for it…I don’t see why they should be looked down upon for it.” I left the conversation at that, but that’s been kind of bothering me for the last days now.
My mom had a mini-stroke a little over a week ago now. Man oh man was that a scare! Living 2 hours away from home is a horrible thing when something goes wrong. She is doing okay now though. She’s back to normal and all that jazz. She’s changing her meal layout, quitting smoking, along with taking some meds.
On the brighter side of things, I’m doing really good in school. My grades are almost all A’s (my english class is a little bit slacking, but it should be better soon). It’s exciting for me knowing that I only have a 1.5 months left with my first semester. Then I get to go back and live at home again! I’m so excited to go back to work, see my family, and be with my brother’s and nephews. I miss them so much! (haha I’m actually crying now…)
Oh! And if you know anything about music (maybe Jeff?) I’m going through a serious embouchure change. It’s REALLY ridiculous. It’s so hard for me to do. Almost all players when they come to college and start playing have to make a slight change here and there, but mine is drastic. Maybe sometime (when I have time) I’ll make a video showing you the difference. It’s amazing. I’ve been working hard on it for a little over two weeks and things are going AMAZING! It went from me not being able to play with it at all, to being able to play a three hour jazz rehearsal with it! I’m so excited to see this improve over the next couple of months. My trumpet professor is really impressed and a colleague is also very impressed. They both think that my sound/tone is a lot more focused and I could be great. I just cant wait guys, I just cant. The anxiety is killing me!
Along those lines, I’ve also recently auditioned for some REALLY cool solos for our Latin Jazz show for marching band. I auditioned for three out of the four solos in the show and got the 3 that I auditioned for! Not to brag, but I beat out a couple of seniors 😉 The show I’m playing at will be this Saturday and I’m so excited! It’s really good and cool. I’m making someone record it, so when I get the recording I’ll be sure to put it on here for you guys to see!
I guess in the long run things are going great, I just have a few things here and there that are really stressing me out. But I also have to admit something, kind of random.
I think I’ve fell in love with someone. Actually, I know I have. I’m so excited to see what is ahead of us in the future! I love you! [you know who you are 🙂 ]
Ahh, life is good 🙂