Posted by: Hope | June 15, 2009

Carpe Diem

I officially told my parents that I don’t believe. I didnt even mean to. I had posted a quote from the song “Imagine” by John Lennon on my facebook and a few of my christian friends threw a hissy fit. I was frustrated at how senstive people are. I mean, it’s merely a song…why become so offended?

Well, after them overreacting I went up stairs and talked to my dad about how sensitive people are and how frustrating it is. My mom was like “well, lennon didnt actually mean that there is no heaven or hell, did he?” I replied, “well, yes…I think he was saying that this is what he believes.” Then my mom became furious and went off about how inappropriate it is for me to say such a thing and I got what I deserved. She continued with saying very sarcastically replying “what have you become? are you like an idiot atheist now or something.” I denied being an atheist through and through, but did admit that I am agnostic by simply saying “I do not know.”

Man…did that make her mad! She went on about how much of a shame it would be if I were to die tonight in my sleep, or something bizzare were to happen. And how I would wind up going to hell for being so ignorant.

I’m sorry, but this really bothers me that my family is so closed minded. The minute you admit that there is a possibility of there being no god there is automatically this negative connotation of who you are as a person hanging over your head. My mom already thinks I’m a crappy person, now she probably regrets the fact that I was ever born. I just don’t know how to react in this situation. Should I pretend that I am something that I am not, or should I just continue living my life the way I have been?

I am perfectly content with the person I have become, I love myself. Not to sound narcistic, but I think it is a good thing to love who you are. I feel that ever since I’ve begun my train of “doubt” I have this huge weight off of my shoulder…all of that guilt and concept that I have to make myself into this person “god” wants me to be…I just feel so enlightened.

I think life without a godly worldview is so much easier. It is so much more fulfilling to me knowing that this really is the only time I have on this earth, and in eternity. Sure, it’s depressing…but it gives me a strong passion to be the best that I can be. I’m learning to seize the day.

Yeah, seize the day. That’s my new life motto. Carpe diem to all of you!



  1. Hope,
    I’m not sure why people are so afraid of others’ religious beliefs, or non-beliefs. How can anyone believe anything but what they do? You should not lie about what you believe. And no matter what your mom says, she loves you. I have a brother who believes like your mother does: that when he stands before St. Peter, he’ll be called to account for me. Some people believe this with all their hearts. They may be disappointed in us, but they still love us. In my case, I believe in God, but a loving God, not a fire-breathing God, and he believes I am going to hell for this. It can be intimidating to be told you’re going to hell, but we each must find our own way. Be yourself and enjoy your life.

  2. Yeah, I think I was fortunate to have deconverted from Christianity after I had moved out. I think my family was aware that they really had no authority over me any longer, and that getting upset would only drive me away. I have found it amusing (and a little bit frustrating) how they’ve tried to reconvert me in the mean time. But for the most part they’ve left the issue well enough alone.

    And I do feel exactly like you do about guilt and Christianity. I didn’t even realize it until some time after I stopped believing, but I eventually came to recognize that the religion (and probably many other religions as well) heaps a tremendous weight of guilt upon you that is completely unnecessary. It is enough, I think, to have a picture of the kind of person that I want to be, and to work towards that. Guilt is for me now a very rare thing, while if anything I behave better towards others than I did when I was a Christian.

    So, anyway, I guess I’m totally supportive. I do hope your family and friends are able to accept you as you are. They may not ever be happy that you’ve deconverted, but at least they may be able to still learn to treat you like family regardless.

  3. Jason,
    Maybe someday you’ll be able to tell your family you behave better now than when you were a Christian. My children grew up in Catholic school (can you imagine?!) and rebelled against being forced to believe in the structures, the rules. The universe does seem to want us to be good to each other, but I highly doubt the Creative Force, by whatever name we call it, wants us to feel guilty. In fact, as an expert on guilt, I can say now that it’s a waste of time and energy. Thanks for your writing and for sharing your wisdom.
    Pam Bickell

  4. Thanks guys for being so supportive. It’s nice to know I’m not alone on this.

  5. Christainity (the kind I know and practice) has nothing to do with our behavior.

    In fact, it really isn’t about ‘us’ at all.

    It’s about what Christ Jesus has done FOR US.

    It’s no wonder you don’t believe. I don’t think I believe in a beetle browed god like that either.

  6. Well, I dont like Christianity. I’m happy I dont believe

  7. I’m happy that I don’t believe in the sort of Christianity that you once believed in, also!

    Nasty stuff, that ‘self absorbed Christianity’…and false, too.

  8. Adam, (I think),
    Could you tell me more about self-absorbed Christianity? My brother has hounded me for years because I don’t believe in his born-again, guilt-laden form of Christianity. He believes like you that it doesn’t matter what we do on earth. I couldn’t disagree more, for I believe we are God’s hands and feet. It’s taken everything I have emotionally to keep a relationship with him, and it’s been very hard. I haven’t heard of self-absorbed Christianity before. Thank you so much.

  9. I don’t think I’d ever really give a “hoorah!” for anyone losing faith in anything…it’s always a sad period or wake-up call.
    I hope you find yourself…when I first started reading you, you were full of faith and prayer and spiritual life. And now it seems like your on a downswing in your cycle of belief. Which is cool, because it will make you stonger.
    Keep your head on your shoulders, and watch the tongue so it doesn’t say anything in haste..

  10. notesalongthepath,

    Kind of hard to do in a short space, but I’ll give you a starter.

    Self-absorbed Christianity is all about you. They speak of Christ (sure) but He is only a intro. into their own religious, ladder-climbing, sefl-centered project.

    The conversation always seems to end up back on ‘you’ (them)…what you should, ought, or must be doing to be a “real Christian”.

    It’s ridiculous and it breeds self-righteousness, pride, or despair. One of the three…for sure…everytime.

    This stuff is everywhere (in churches) and it makes me want to puke.

  11. not sefl…but ‘self’ (oops)

  12. Hey Hope.
    I think your Mom reacted so dramatically b/c she really loves and cares about you. She wants the best for you and though her concern was not shown for you in the best way, it does show that she does really care about you. So try to sort through the negative comments and find the deep care that inspired them. She really wants the best for you.

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