I officially told my parents that I don’t believe. I didnt even mean to. I had posted a quote from the song “Imagine” by John Lennon on my facebook and a few of my christian friends threw a hissy fit. I was frustrated at how senstive people are. I mean, it’s merely a song…why become so offended?
Well, after them overreacting I went up stairs and talked to my dad about how sensitive people are and how frustrating it is. My mom was like “well, lennon didnt actually mean that there is no heaven or hell, did he?” I replied, “well, yes…I think he was saying that this is what he believes.” Then my mom became furious and went off about how inappropriate it is for me to say such a thing and I got what I deserved. She continued with saying very sarcastically replying “what have you become? are you like an idiot atheist now or something.” I denied being an atheist through and through, but did admit that I am agnostic by simply saying “I do not know.”
Man…did that make her mad! She went on about how much of a shame it would be if I were to die tonight in my sleep, or something bizzare were to happen. And how I would wind up going to hell for being so ignorant.
I’m sorry, but this really bothers me that my family is so closed minded. The minute you admit that there is a possibility of there being no god there is automatically this negative connotation of who you are as a person hanging over your head. My mom already thinks I’m a crappy person, now she probably regrets the fact that I was ever born. I just don’t know how to react in this situation. Should I pretend that I am something that I am not, or should I just continue living my life the way I have been?
I am perfectly content with the person I have become, I love myself. Not to sound narcistic, but I think it is a good thing to love who you are. I feel that ever since I’ve begun my train of “doubt” I have this huge weight off of my shoulder…all of that guilt and concept that I have to make myself into this person “god” wants me to be…I just feel so enlightened.
I think life without a godly worldview is so much easier. It is so much more fulfilling to me knowing that this really is the only time I have on this earth, and in eternity. Sure, it’s depressing…but it gives me a strong passion to be the best that I can be. I’m learning to seize the day.
Yeah, seize the day. That’s my new life motto. Carpe diem to all of you!