I finally realized why I have had absolutely nothing to write about lately. It’s because I’ve always wanted to focus on religion, and considering the fact that I haven’t been absorbing myself with anything to do with religion, at all lately so I’m clearly going to draw blank. Therfore, I have decided that I am going to start focusing on my daily life as I head into the “real world”.
Starting off? Relationships. I’ve been kinda talking to two different guys right now (no, I’m not a whore). I can’t decide what I really want it is becoming fairly annoying. One guy, I dont think we’re really right for each other, but he makes me happy. It’s strange.
This other guy, his name is Eric. We actually JUST started to talk. But you see, we grew up together and then he moved in 8th grade. We dated all throughout elementary and what not (I know, you probably don’t consider that dating..but I REALLY liked this kid, and still do). We just found each other and I guess he is back in Michigan for a little while. We’ve been hanging out a bit lately and it’s been amazing having the opportunity to catch up. Time will only tell where we go. But I’m really excited to see where it goes from here.
I haven’t hung out with my best friend since I think the last day of school (May 22nd) and it’s really killing me. I’m somewhat of a needy person and if I don’t see you in like 20 days I’m gonna begin to wonder. We’re working things through, kind of. But it sucks.
Allow me to give you some background information so I can explain how I feel. You see Desiree (my best friend), Rachel, Tara, and I have all been really close since middle school. But you see, I’ve always felt as though I was the “optional” member. Like whenever they were going somewhere it always had to be Rachel, Tara, and Desiree but Hope (me) was always the “ehh, it’d be cool. But it’s not a neccesity.” This kinda hurts me. To know that. I’ve even told them how I feel, but of course (anyone with a heart would) they denied it.
With that said, Desiree and Rachel are moving in together for college. And they’ll be within 10 minutes from Tara. Me? I’ll be at least an hour away. I know people go their own ways when college hits, but wouldn’t that mean you’d want to hang out with the person you’re going to see the least the most before they leave? Well, that’s not how it has been at all! We haven’t hung out since school got out and it’s really frustrating me. Rachel, Tara, and Desiree have made plans to go to Cedar point (I was not invited) and they are going to go to Chicago as well (I was told I am not allowed to go). Isn’t that some horse crap? I understand making plans, but it’s not even the big plans that kills me the most. It’s the facebook statuses of them saying how they’re hanging out doing random crap…and I never receive a phone call, a text, nothing. It’s frustrating. And it’s really eating at my self esteem.
I’ve been keeping myself busy. I have a lot more friends, obviously, so I have been keeping myself busy with those guys too. But that doesn’t mean I don’t really, really miss her. When you go from seeing someone every single day, and always doing something after school to doing absolutely nothing together? It sucks. Hardcore.
And that’s my vent for the evening. I hope you enjoyed hearing me rant.