My spiritual journey is reaching a frustratng point. I read and pray everyday, yet my anger and swearing persists. I’ve been trying to go out of my way to do “good” things and it is helping, a little. My mother and I don’t fight as much mostly because I am doing more around the house. I figure that if I go out of my way to do good things and focus on peace and calmness, and not concentrate on my bad things, eventually the “good” will just overcome my life.
Instead of drinking alcohol, I’ve picked up smoking. Will my stupidity ever end? I’m sure that after I finish the ones I have, I will finish. But even then, why did I start in the first place?
And I’ve found myself writing down lots of questions to ask my “pastor” (not sure I like calling Tim that yet…I’ll stick with friend for now). Some of these questions are reasonable, good questions…others? Not so much. I feel so ignorant, it is really frustrating. I don’t know things that your everyday, church going, Christian knows. That really, really, bothers me.
Little things as this have left me being extremely frustrated with my spiritual journey.
But on a positive note I have found myself talking about god, religion, and life in general with many more of my friends. In fact, I’ve commited two people to going to church with me soon. I think both of them are attending tomorrow morning with me. I like this…it feels good to be back in it again. Now if only I could figure out what I believe exactly and why…and it’d be perfect!!