Posted by: Hope | October 19, 2008

I’m So Confused

I took this from my Myspace blog, because people are complaining that I dont post on my blog anymore. So to my faithful readers: Here…enjoy 🙂 I’ll be back soon, marching band is almost over. One more week! Unless we make it to states…which i would freaking LOVE!! Lets go Blue Brigade!!

I don’t have a whole lot of time to sit here and write about all the shit thats going on with me, so I wont. But I’m so confused anymore. The day John broke up with me, before I found out he was even considering it…I had written a list of the things I wanted to accomplish and change between the two of us. Not all of it included him and I stuff, a lot of it was things that I wanted to change about myself.

What it comes down to is I’m not content with the person I am today…and the sad thing is that I used to be and I can’t figure out where I went wrong. Is it because I’m not religious anymore? It might be, but I don’t exactly think so. I mean, I was content with myself when I called myself an atheist…or maybe i was only content because I didn’t know who I wanted to be. Maybe I’m finally growing up…but with that, dont you normally just kinda “form” into the person you want to be? I feel like if I want to be the person I’ve always wanted to be, or I’ve always seen myself being I,
1) have to make a lot of changes and
2) literally force myself to do those changes…because a lot of those changes are things I could really give to shits about.

Whats my problem? Should I stay the way I am now and just learn to be content with me being “me” or should I change…to be the person I used to always see myself being???

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