Posted by: Hope | July 16, 2008

All of this is killing me inside

I need to vent, and I don’t know where else to turn.

My life sucks right now. I don’t really know a better way to describe my pain, but my mom seriously hates me and my boyfriend. The fact that I’m dating John drives her absolutely insane and makes her into an even BIGGER bitch than she was before. Most of you have absolutely no idea what my “home” life is like, but it is really…seriously…shitty.

The sad thing though? My life used to be great. My mom used to be cool. What happened? The past ten years she has changed so dirastically that she puts everyone in this house through living hell. Aparantly I am trying break my family in pieces and make us all hate each other. EVERYTHING seems to be my fault, it doesn’t matter what. If something gets broken, it was me. If something was stolen, it was me. If my mom stubs her toe, it was me! It does not matter…everything is my fault.

And wanna hear some more shit? A few days ago I had my boyfriend come upstairs to talk to my mom with me to try and get somethings cleared up, well…she wound up talking crap about John without realizing John was standing right around the corner…and when I say “talking crap” like she was seriously saying some really mean and rude ass things that no person should ever say about anyone. Well, Johns feelings were obviously hurt, and my mom was never aware that he was there. My dad wound up telling my mom later and then I get in trouble and she says “you hurt his feelings!! all you think about is yourself, how could you possibly hurt him like that?!” WOAH WOAH to the freaking WOAH….what did she just say? Did she honestly just tell me that I HURT HIS FEELINGS?! Wow, I’ve never been so mad in my life. How can she have the audacity to tell me that I hurt his feelings when she’s the bitch that said it in the first place?!

I guess these stories don’t sound as bad as what I look at them, but the words she uses and throws at me are so hurting. She’s always demeened me for the last ten years. It’s like nothing is ever good enough. I know that I am a good kid. Sure, I have my flaws, we all do but damn…I’m a hell of a lot better than half the kids out there. She is tearing me apart…I am on an emotional train wreck and I can’t handle it anymore. I want out. Once I graduate I am moving out right away. I’ve been saving up money so I could. I’m just done with this bull crap, I can’t take it anymore. I have literally SOBBED like I’ve never cried before the last five days!!! Like I’m not just talking about a normal cry…like these are like tears of agony and pan, and just absolute hurt. I’ve never cried so hard in my life. I’m so sick of all of the fighting…I want it to end, but I just don’t know what to do anymore.

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Responses

  1. To trumpethope, No one can make you feel.. You choose to re-act on the confusion and the hurt which PAIN.. Bottom line is FEAR.. That usually the dominion of the negative emotions. Just step back accept your mom as a human and try to figure out what she is griping about . Most of the time people who Grump all the time? Are feeling HELPLESS to change the situation, she wants to change things and does not know how to change. She loves you and wants to communicate but can’t because of all the Chaos.. Calm the water don’t react. ask what can you do to help her understanding how you feel.. emotions are high you can’t see beyond the clouds for they are the fog in her head.. So clear your head take her out for coffee and a movie and a dinner then talk accept win the right to have Calm and contentment in your life.


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