So this past weekend I went out on a youth retreat/winter retreat with my youth ministry at my church. And it was amazing. We were with two other youth groups and I met a few cool people and got to know a few of the kids at my youth group that are new(ish) a little better.
Besides that, I got a lot closer to god. And Saturday night I had this huge crying session, like..sobbing. And if you know me at all you know I don’t cry. Well it was basically me looking back at the crap in my past that has happened to me and just trying to “break through” the walls that I’ve put up from that. It’s hard to explain without going into great detail.
At first Kris (the speaker) wanted us to just sit down and let god just enjoy us. He specifically told us NOT to worship, just sit there and allow god to love us. He told us to think about the concept of a father and think about all the ways god fulfills that. Well, long story short, I wound up (and so did a lot of other people) thinking about my past and yeh..it was weird..but just sobbed (so did a lot of other people). But the reason why it is so weird is because I like literally hate crying. I’m “mr. tough guy” (or ms. whatever you wanna call it) and hate specifically crying in front of people..as if..it shows weakness. Not many people have seen my cry. When I was not only crying, but like sobbing, I didn’t care what others thought. No one really cared that I was crying either cause the majority of the people in the room were crying. But when some of my youth leaders who know me well enough to the point where they know I simply..dont..cry saw me crying..a few of them tried to come over and get me to talk. I refused and even walked away from like three of them. Then my buddy Tim came over and just gave me a hug. Now..how can a person walk away from a hug? So..lol..I just stood there and hugged him for literally like ten minutes. He kept trying to comfort me but all i could do was cry. Well Tim wound up talking to me about things and I gave him a very uninformative explanation of my situation and he kind of caught on and had jason come over (my youth pastor) and they both prayed with me. Anyways, it was a good weekend.
The other two sermons I heard were about guilt, and the one before that was something that got to me and it was about doubt and something else along those lines. But yeah, they were all good sermons and i had a “learning” weekend.